Our first year as foster parents is done. We're up for relicensing this month and busy prepping for our home inspection next week. This has been a really hard and AMAZING year. The last 4 months have made it to my top 3 hardest things I have ever experienced, and I am so glad that they are OVER and Jason and I can start to heal.
We’ve fostered 4 children over 8 months of this year. Some days, I feel sad and lonely that they're gone, and some days, I feel full and joyful for all I've experienced.
Today I was thinking of Lil G. He was learning so much and wanted to show me everything he was learning and doing. About 2 weeks before they left, we were playing outside. Lil G found something and sat down right next to me the back door steps. He’d sit on the very top step but his legs were too short to rest on the next step. As the rubber of his shoes struck the cement riser his little feet were projected forward in aultranating rhythm. He looked up at me and smiled. Then showed me whatever had sparked his interest. He jabbered about it for a minute then looked at me and said, "MaMa."
Lil G had called me MaMa for the majority of the 5 months we had them but this time, this time I knew he was going home soon, this time he broke of a piece of my heart and tucked in into his pocket with whatever trinket he'd found in the yard. I looked at his eyes and said "G, I'm not your MaMa, you have a MaMa who loves you very much." He just smiled and I cried.
Today I think about relicensing and I wonder, will we ever have another G and Lil G? I've been told we've had the best and the worst parents the department has seen in 10 years, and everyone I talk to tries to convince me that most cases lay somewhere in the middle. But I'm fearful of what will come next. Will I be strong enough to handle it? Am I strong enough to handle the behavior, the tantrums, the PARENTS, the insults, the commentary on our parenting, and the leaving? I’m not sure, but I think I'd like to try.
