Our first year as foster parents is done. We're up for relicensing this month and busy prepping for our home inspection next week. This has been a really hard and AMAZING year. The last 4 months have made it to my top 3 hardest things I have ever experienced, and I am so glad that they are OVER and Jason and I can start to heal.
We’ve fostered 4 children over 8 months of this year. Some days, I feel sad and lonely that they're gone, and some days, I feel full and joyful for all I've experienced.
Today I was thinking of Lil G. He was learning so much and wanted to show me everything he was learning and doing. About 2 weeks before they left, we were playing outside. Lil G found something and sat down right next to me the back door steps. He’d sit on the very top step but his legs were too short to rest on the next step. As the rubber of his shoes struck the cement riser his little feet were projected forward in aultranating rhythm. He looked up at me and smiled. Then showed me whatever had sparked his interest. He jabbered about it for a minute then looked at me and said, "MaMa."
Lil G had called me MaMa for the majority of the 5 months we had them but this time, this time I knew he was going home soon, this time he broke of a piece of my heart and tucked in into his pocket with whatever trinket he'd found in the yard. I looked at his eyes and said "G, I'm not your MaMa, you have a MaMa who loves you very much." He just smiled and I cried.
Today I think about relicensing and I wonder, will we ever have another G and Lil G? I've been told we've had the best and the worst parents the department has seen in 10 years, and everyone I talk to tries to convince me that most cases lay somewhere in the middle. But I'm fearful of what will come next. Will I be strong enough to handle it? Am I strong enough to handle the behavior, the tantrums, the PARENTS, the insults, the commentary on our parenting, and the leaving? I’m not sure, but I think I'd like to try.
6 comments:
Erica,
You are amazing. I can't image all the hearache that goes along with fostering, and I very much admire your ability to love these little guys. I'm sorry the last pair of kiddos was hard, not many people could have done that. Keep your chin up and know that there is s a master plan, which we can't fully understand. Stay close to the Lord, and he'll keep directing you...
Love you.
heart ache, not hearache. I'm sure you figured that out though.
You'll be blessed for handling these difficult situations. It has taught us a lot about ourselves..and has helped mold us to be more patient and understanding. Sadly some of the reasons these kids are in FC are that the parents are somewhat mentally out of it. So you will see issues left and right. I would suggest not letting the parents go to very appt thought....that seems like a little overkill unelss the appt was pretty serious. This may help avoid some difficult situations.
Anyway, our licensing is up for renewal...we have to do some classes. Maybe we can do some classes together?
tears. I ache for you Dawn. Thank you for sharing those intimate memories. You are amazing, you have played an angelic role in the lives of these children. I so admire you, and I'm not the only one who notices. Love you.
Erica~
Hang in there. We have been doing this for three years now and I feel like we have seen it all. We just got a new little one three weeks ago and it is amazing how much you realize you miss it when you haven't had a foster kiddo in a while. We have had parents love us, parents hate us, parents call the police on us and accuse us of abusing their kids. Just know that you are doing an amazing job. The Lord set you apart to have this important role in these kids lives, if even for just a small moment in time. Hope you guys choose to keep your home open!
~Melissa
i feel your pain
Post a Comment