Just a little catch up.   Things for us are pretty mellow.  

IVF

Our December cycle was also canceled.  Although not the news we were hoping for, it is not devistating.  I've been focusing on having the healthiest body I can so, hopefully, we can have a healthy pregnancy.  This cycle, some of my numbers were high, and that brought adoption back into the picture.  We'll have to see what happens.  Surprisingly, I'm  not stressing over this.  It has been a long, hard road and I know that there are blessings in store, no matter which way we go.  

Other News

Ok there really isn't other news.  I've been keeping busy watching friends' children and Christmas crafting.  We had a quiet Thanksgiving with Holy, Grace, and Garrison (aka G and Little G's family).  We are so blessed with their friendship and love.  The twins turned 2 this month and sadly we missed them on their birthday.  

Christmas shopping is DONE and all our presents have been mailed.  YAY!  I'm just enjoying my time with friends this Christmas season.  J is busy: work is stressful, church and other meetings take up a couple of nights a week, and the scouts have monthly trips.   I feel like we have 3 good evenings a week and I'm happy with it.  

To our family and friends, I hope this Christmas season finds you well and happy!

foster: Update

Looking over our sidebar I was stuck on our placements. Could we really have fostered 13 children over the last 2 1/2 years? Really?! That is a TON. When we were training we were told the AVERAGE child's stay in foster care is 15-18 months. We are defiantly below the average.

Angel and Iron Man went home at the beginning of the month. The last 2 weeks of that placement could have gone better. But one thing I realized, it's not my job to be universally liked.

So here we are childless and taking a break. I think it will be a very long break. It's time to focus on J and me. No one else's drama aloud.

foster: Twins Update

We are so excited to watch the girls Monday and Wednesday night for just a few hours. We think they are just dolls. Iron Man and Angel look forward to their visit and we are all sad when they have to go. They are super busy and so grown up as they reach 1 year this week. Can you believe it?!

I sincerely wish their parents the best. When they are struggling, like they are now, it's hard for me to watch. We love our little S and A!

foster: Update

Hhmmm. where to start. Sleeping Beauty went back to her parent while we were on vacation the end of October. Iron Man (13) and Angel (5) came to stay with us for the weekend before we left on vacation. They're still here and they'll be with us through Christmas, but recent developments makes me think they will be with us longer than that.

project: Curtains

I found a fabulous deal on fabric so I revamped the "nursery" curtains.

Before:

After:

Simple rod pocket curtains that say GIRL! I don't mind switching them out if our next placement is a boy. Check out the cost breakdown.

Cost Breakdown
Fabric $12

foster: Money Breakdown

I mentioned in my last post that we spend more than we get to have foster children in our home. As foster parents in Utah we just got a pay cut to $14 a day for children under 12. That's about $420 a month. We do not have to pay for the child's health care, and are reimbursed for millage to and from case activity, and yes if the child meets age requirements we can sign up for WIC. Here's how the money breaks down in our home:

$90 For regular food in our house ($3/person/day including fruit/veggies/milk/WHOLE grain, of which we get the recommended amount for daily. NO malnourishment here thanks to home canning and food storage!) This, btw, is less then families receiving food stamps get per person/month. Many foster families are probably spending double on groceries and not eating rice and beans several times each month.
$30Extra for goldfish, juice, fruit leather ect.
$42 Mandatory spending on new clothes
$60 Diapers
$15 Wipes
$20 Toys
$50 Baby sitting, for dates, foster care training, court, family and team meetings

$307 Total

That leaves $113 to split between non case activity miles, entertainment, saving for birthday parties, Christmas, Easter baskets…. I know that the last few aren't necessary spending. BUT childhood is about going swimming, picking out pumpkins, and sledding in the snow. It's about waking up to an overflowing stocking on Christmas morning, hunting for Easter eggs, dressing up for Halloween, and having balloons and friends at your birthday party. Oh just for a minute, let's say we didn’t drive the child to anything other then visits and DR. appointments. Oh and we didn't do any of the other fun things associated with childhood, including Christmas presents, Halloween costumes or birthday parties. That means $113 is what the Giffords are getting "paid" to take care of someone elses child. Less then $4.00 a day. So, to those who complain that foster parents "do it for the money", here's the breakdown. What do you think? Is this what you expected, or are you surprised? How much will you pay someone to take care of your child when you go out with your handsome hubby or wonderful wife tonight?

Personally, I think the work foster parents do is pretty important. It's not about the money, or lack thereof. Right now it's about Sleeping Beauty, her health and well being. It's about her feeling safe and secure and stable. Someday I hope she can feel all of those things at home with her parents. But until then I'll provide her with every opportunity I can afford.

food: Beans and Rice

I know I haven't posted in a while. As I type my house smells like a Mexican Fiesta and I thought I'd share our penny pinching recipe.

As many of you know we are trying super hard to get out of debt so we can afford to have children sent to our family. We are putting every extra cent I can squeeze out of J's paycheck towards debt and we are soooo close! (In theory foster care should help with this but at the end of the day we spend her reimbursement check plus some of our surplus to have SB in the house.) Our food budget is about $3.00/person/day. This recipes costs about $1.50 for the WHOLE HUGE POT. That's mega nice for our budget.

1 lb of dried beans (we like pinto, black or red beans)
6 cups of water

The night before, usually after dinner while little ones are in the bath, I wash the beans and add them to a BIG pot with 6 cups of water. Soak overnight. Rinse the beans in the morning. While the beans are in the strainer add the following ingredients to the pot.

1 TBS olive oil
1 onion chopped
2-3 garlic cloves minced
2-3 stalks celery

Cook 3 to 4 minutes and add:

1 t salt
1/2 t garlic powder
3/4 t paprika
1/2 t black pepper
1/2 t onion powder
1 t Cayenne pepper
1/4 t oregano
1/4 t sage
1 t thyme
Red pepper flakes

Toast spices and then add the beans back to the pot with 6 cups of water. Simmer 2 1/2 hours. Drain off some of the liquid. Add finally chopped spinach to the beans and let wilt and become almost invisible (Always trying to bump up the nutrition.)

Night one:
Brown rice and beans with a little hot sauce and vinegar

Night Two:
Rice and bean burritos with lots of cheese and salsa

10 Lunches:
Rice and Bean burritos with lots of cheese, frozen and wrapped individually for quick grab and go.

We make this recipe at least 2x a month YUM!

foster: Update

Where to start? Cinderella left Monday, August 30th. Sleeping Beauty came Tuesday, August 31st, and has been with us for 2 weeks. They have one more kinship option to explore this week. She looks like I did as a child and except for her pale eyes could easily fit into my sisters' families. She's excitable, super friendly, and anything but shy (the exact opposite of me as a child). Sleeping Beauty turned 2 this summer and is so smart. Really she's a little Parrot that just talks and talks and talks and NEVER takes a break.

project: Stripes

Well, Cinderella will probably be leaving this week. She's a timid little girl and keeps to herself. BUT when the rare thing gets her excited she SQUEALS and flashes a full smile.

I finished the stripes just hours before Cinderella came.

Before

During
After

Cost break down:

$4 for frog tape.
Laser Level- We had hiding in the basement
Paint- left over SW paint pot from some random project

Total: $4

foster: New Placement

I was expecting 6 children and got 1 child yesterday. I've never done 1 before. Little girl, we'll call her Cinderella, is 18 months, and came with some creepy crawlies. We had a rough night tackling head lice. I don't think she likes me for taking away all her stuff to wash and smearing stinky stuff on her head. Poor girl. I'll make it up to her today.

project: SO MANY PROJECTS

We got a call late yesterday afternoon that sent us scrabbling. 6 kids were coming into care at 10:00 this morning and they needed somewhere to land. I spent the remainder of the afternoon and evening calling for bunk beds, calling for benches (so we could squeeze 8 around our 4 person table), making grocery lists, worrying about car arrangements, and so on. Today, after their court hearing, the Judge gave the parents 3 more weeks to work on things WITHOUT taking the kids into custody.

Big exhale....

3 weeks to iron out the details of our lives before the possibility comes up again. This call brought to the forefront all of the projects I've been ignoring while we get out of debt. Parts of our house are a disaster. BIG. EMBARRASSING. DISASTERS. Things that could not be ignored if our house swelled to 8. Things like: the broken dishwasher, the leaking pipe under the sink in the basement bathroom, the missing tiles in the up stairs bathroom, the BACKYARD JUNGLE, and the list goes on and on and on. So my question is, can I tackle any of these with a couple of twenties? Any resources about plumbing, replacing sub floors, drywalling, tiling, etc that you have found helpful? Things I, E, can do myself - cause, let's face it, J is way too busy to help me figure these things out. AND projects that take no more then $50. Is this POSSIBLE?

foster: Update

We are so lucky to be able to have continued contact with all 3 placements. We saw the twins a few weeks ago and they look so good, and BIG. For 6 1/2 month olds the are huge! I thought that they would be so different, but they're still "my girls". I was so happy to see S starting to push herself backwards. I really worried that the girls wouldn't get tummy time or the attention they needed because Mom C was trying to do so much by herself. To see S reach a developmental milestone gave me peace of mind that Mom and Dad can do this! Their permanency hearing is at the beginning of August.

Little Boy and Little Girl's permanency hearing has been pushed back. They are so attached to their foster parents and it's so good to see, especially Little Girl who was so resistant in our home. I hope the judge lets them stay where they are!

I'm sad we don't have a placement this summer. Last summer we were so busy with G and Lil G, and I really miss it. We are still waiting for the right call. This is the longest we've gone without a placement. We've received 2 calls from the adoption committee but neither were right for our family. It did cause a little crisis of faith in my abilities. I couldn't let go of the feeling of selfishness.

After our experience with Little Boy and Little Girl, I discovered how important it is for me to follow my instincts. I had to convince myself to take Little Boy and Little Girl and we eventually had them moved. I won't do that again. When I receive calls for children who have been severely abused, I know my capacity and skills will not be enough. When I say no, I instantly feel guilty. If I can't help abused children why am I doing foster care? Really, I don't know. I have to believe that there are more situations like G and Lil G or the twins where my capacity and skills can help, both the children and the parents. I do know that I love foster care. I love the children who have been in my home and I love the parents they have gone back to. I hope that I will have the opportunity to do it again. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

foster: Responsible

I've subscribed to the blog Mama's On Call, and it's AWESOME! Loved the article "What Exactly IS A 'Responsible Parent" by Ellen Schrier. From it I gained this great guideline, "To be responsible means to respond appropriately." Here are some scenarios from her article.

What if … your 3-year-old has gotten hold of the pinking shears and is attempting to give her baby brother a hair cut? Should you let her? If you consider it for even a second you’ll realize that in order to respond appropriately you must say no and take away the sharp scissors before anyone gets hurt. She is unaware of the danger (or her limitations) and it’s your job to keep everyone safe.

What if … your eight-year-old is never hungry at dinner time because he likes to snack from the fridge throughout the day? It started years ago and has now become a habit. He seems to be growing okay and you hate to argue with him. Are you being responsible in letting the unsupervised grazing continue at the expense of eating a meal at the table with the family?

Well, just think: Is it part of your job as parent to make sure he gets his nutritional needs met? Yes, of course. Is it part of your job to teach him social skills and customs? Yes, again. So given your job description, what would the appropriate response be? It’s pretty obvious that you have to figure out a way to break the bad habit that has been established, right? That would be the responsible (appropriate, given your role as parent) thing to do.

What if … your seventh grader tells you that his science project is due tomorrow? He needs to get all the supplies and the project will take several hours to complete. He was given the assignment a couple weeks ago but ignored it. Now he is begging for your help. You know that his grade in science is hinging on whether he does well on this project. Should you cancel your own plans, roll up your sleeves, and get busy?

Well, consider for a moment — is it your job as parent to do your child’s work for him in order to keep moving things along or is it your job to help him learn about planning, making choices, managing his time and facing consequences even when they hurt? Once you make that determination you can figure out what kind of a response would be appropriate (and responsible), given your role.


Helpful right? This logic provides a formula I can use when working with Bio-Parents.

1. What is my role/job?
2. Based on my role/job what is the appropriate response.

The more I understand my role, the better I can respond in uncomfortable, even heated, situations.

This one liner is going in my repertoire.

To be responsible means to respond appropriately.

foster: Did You Know?

Do you know about Eyes Open Wider? She's a social working blogger. LOVE it! I've been reading her on and off for about a year. Did you know she has links to lots of foster family blogs?

fun: Big Bubbles

(Pictures Published with Permission form Mom H)

Have you made Gigantic bubbles before?

Here's what you'll need:

• Plastic cup with a hole in the bottom (We just shoved our scissors through the bottom)
• 1/4 cup good dish soup
• 1 cup water
• 2 TBS corn syrup (optional)
• pie dish

Mix a little water with dish soap and corn syrup in a pie dish. Dip you cup into the mixture and BLOW

Check out this blog for HUMONGOUS bubbles.

foster: Update

We are now 79 days through the twins' 90 day trial home placement and have heard great things about Mom C's progress in the last 3 weeks. It is such a relief to know that things are going well.


Yesterday we told our RFC we were ready to be considered for placements again.

foster: Introductions

We'd like to introduce you to Grace and Garrison (aka G and Lil G). In March of 2009 these two were our first placement. They went home to their loving parent August 13, 2009. Last week Gracie turned 9 and next week Gar Gar will be 3. I can hardly believe how time flies!

Gracie is so thoughtful and mature for her age. She acts like a little adult and has superb social awareness. I know that she will impact many people throughout her life and will be able to do so many things because of the wonderful gifts she has to share.

Garrison is all boy. He is obsessed with motorcycles. Even as a 20 months all he could talk about was Motorcycles Fas(t). He lights up a room with his ready smile and is eager to entertain a crowd.

(of course I don't have a picture of his smile-ugh)

We sure LOVE our G and Lil G!

All pictures posted with permision of Mom H.

foster: G and Lil G update

May is an incredibly hard month for me. I'm so glad I have little rays of sunshine (G and Lil G) born in May! They are such amazing kids and I really do admire their Mom H.

We sent G and Lil G birthday cards early this week. I was so surprised Thursday to get a call from Mom H thanking us for the cards and inviting us to Lunch Saturday afternoon. I'm so impressed with the challenges Mom H overcame and the success she has found.

G and Lil G sound so happy and healthy-living the childhood I hoped for them. It was so nice to talk to them I didn't even mind missing the last 15 minutes of BONES. We're sooo EXCITED to see them!

foster: The Easy Way?

I remember the first couple of Sundays we brought the girls to church we had SEVERAL people tell us "congratulations" and "it looks like you took the easy way." I'm assuming they thought we adopted. We kinda laughed and said "yeah the easy way-UNTIL we give them back" Someone please tell me what is easy about adoption? And if adoption isn't what they meant, someone please tell me what is so "easy" about fostering - twins? It really makes me think about school age kids. Nobody ever said things THAT STUPID when we had G and Lil G. BUTTTTT I know it's best to keep our options open....

foster: Countdown

For those of you wondering what's going on with foster care and our family-WE'RE ON HOLD. And holding stinks. We are 59 days through the twins 90 day trial home placement. 1 more month and and we can be active on the list again. In the mean time we've done some respite (over-night baby sitting for other foster families). It was great to see Little Boy and Little Girl for 3 days last month. Although we were happy when they went back to their foster (soon to be forever) family. We're taking a 6 year old and 8 year old tomorrow night and a 2 year old and 4 year old next weekend for 3 nights. That's the update! 31 days until we can have another placement.

Oh and the caseworker did help me find the addresses I needed. It took just 3 business days.