Ok for the record - HSG's aren't that bad! At our last appointment the nurse at the office asked if I wanted a lortab for the HSG. I wasn't sure. How much pain was I going to be in? I went home asking myself, "when was the last time I was in pain?" "How high is my pain tolerance?" I don't know. I stressed over this for a week. I talked about it to everyone who had a background in medicine and friends who have had an HSG. I decided I could probably handle it. In hindsight, I could TOTALLY handle it. I feels a lot like menstrual cramps. Mostly it was uncomfortable. Sometimes it HURT but the pain didn't last long. After the appointment I could do everything I had planned for the day. I know my experience isn't everyone's experience. The thing I know is, trust your instinct.
The HSG revealed that I'll need surgery to have my left side work properly. We still have tests to do and cost analysis to weigh.
Blood work revealed some deficiencies. Low Thyroid, and pre-diabetes (thanks Dad). I'm on medications for those.
I've had people ask me ALOT- "If it's something easy to fix are you going to be sad/mad you didn't do this sooner." Until yesterday, these comments caused me to second guess myself. Now I know the answer is no. I knew that something was wrong, I knew it wasn't going to be an easy fix. Again let's call it INSTINCT. If we had had the word surgery come up 3 years ago I would have been completely overwhelmed. And, if I can have a child with hormone correcting medications and only my right side working that's ok, too. I know our road has been long and often painful and we still have a long way to go, but THIS is the time for us to do it. It's not just knowing we can pay for it, it's a feeling that this is the right time. Who knows why we've needed to wait so long? I read someone's comment recently on a blog (sorry I don't know which one) talking about infertility. It gave me peace. She said: "the older my son gets I realize it wasn't about me-It was ABOUT HIM. His friends, his experiences, his life." So I choose to believe that this trial isn't about me. It's about my child. The things he/she need to experience and accomplish have time tables. How grateful I am for the time I was born, the good friends that carried me though my youth, and the experiences I've had BECAUSE of when I was born.
3 comments:
Yeah, attitude is everything. Usually there is a reason for things that are hard to explain. And sometimes it's a matter of saying, you know what, things happen. Good luck in whichever road you two choose.
love love love this. I love your attitude and openness and everything. Good luck and let me know if you have any questions!
I am so glad that you have been able to find out some more information. I felt better after I knew what was going on. At the same time, sometimes it can be good not to know. I am glad that the HSG wasn't too bad. I heard horror stories about it too, but mine wasn't so bad either. It hurt, but it was like cramps too.
I agree about the waiting until you are ready. I had to take a year off from procedures and all that because I couldn't emotionally handle it anymore. Looking back, that time waiting was SO hard, but I wouldn't change it. It brought me the 6 foster kids we had, and it brought me Michael. In the time that I was really ready to be the best parent I can be to HIM.
I wish you all the best.
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