Well it's been a month of PJ's and tears and I think it's time I get to my new normal. I'll try to blog about my good days and my bad days. Hey that's what a blog is for!

fun: VEGAS!!!

Ok we're playing some catch up. We had so much fun on our March vacation to Vegas. I loved being there with Mom and Dad G! I have been to Vegas before and never really enjoyed it. But now I can't wait to go back. Some secrets to this trips success?

Planning! I like to have fun, see new things, and spend time with good company, but I don't like crowds, inappropriate behavior, and making conversation with strangers. So some tips for others like me. Visit Vegas on weekdays. There is less beer on the street, more girls wearing more clothes and fewer people all around-Plus shows have more availability through half price tickets 4 tonight.

Some things we experienced to make this a fab trip (in order of fabulousness):

The Secret Garden at Mandalay Bay-$15 a person and we got to see lions tigers and dolphins. (oh MY!) So fun and so worth it!

The Blue Man Group at the Venetian (1/2 price tickets 4 tonight)-Fun and educational.

WE also had a blast on the gondola ride at the Venetian.

The M and M factory Yumm!

Free fountain shows at the Bellagio and Mandalay Bay (skip the one at Cesar's Palace-Unless your down there for the Cheese Cake Factory)
ESPN zone and New York New York-I loved our food and it is J's one must have.

Flamingo Habitat at the Flamingo-Great place to take pictures with *fake* nature

Ethel M Chocolate Factory-a little drive but I was surprised to know that it's the same founders as the company Mars (you know M and M's, sinckers, twix....). Call ahead and see when they are producing candy. We showed up around lunch time. Not much to see.

and much much more. Vegas.com was invaluable in planning our trip! Love it!

Did You Know...

Did you know this week in National Infertility Awareness Week? There are some amazing gems on the internet this week as so many families talk about their struggle to start or add to a family. I spent an hour here yesterday crying over the women who reflected my fears in their comments.

Comments like:

"What IF I am only able to mother children who already have a mother?"
"What IF this hole in my heart never goes away"
"What IF we can't ever come up with the funds to adopt and we don't get pregnant?"
"What IF children are still years away for us? Can I make it that long?"

I wanted to share a gem from LDS General Conference I've found comfort in. Below are some of the most powerful excerpts from Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk Continue in Patience.

"Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter....

[P}atience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed....

Every one of us is called to wait in our own way. We wait for answers to prayers. We wait for things which at the time may appear so right and so good to us that we can’t possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer....

Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can’t see the Lord’s hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness."

I love where he says "bearing hardships with fortitude, even when the desires of our harts are delayed." dictionary.com defines fortitude as "strength of mind that allows one to endure pain or adversity with courage." I'm striving (meaning I'm not there yet) to endure pain and adversity with more courage and less fear.

We've been quiet

I know we've been quiet lately but not much has changed. The girls are being transitioned back home and it's been a roller coaster. It seems things change almost daily (I've packed and unpacked them 3 times). We're expecting them to be gone early next week and don't anticipate any more delays. We'll see how things go and where the future takes us next.

Some of the big decisions we have to make are:
Foster care?
E gets a job?

foster: Baby Must Haves

I've wanted to post something like this for a long time. I know that this list is very personal, but as a first time mom of twins I would have wanted to review a few lists like this.

First my requirements for the products I buy:

-They must be inexpensive. We are on a budget yes, but realistically we are foster parents and we never know how long a child will be in our home. It just doesn't make sense to buy the biggest or the best. I'll let you know which products we bought that I would buy again for my own children and which I would avoid.

-They must be fast and easy to use. With Twins this is a no brainier. I've got to be locked and loaded at all times to handle whatever comes my way because things can get out of control fast with 2 infants.

Ok, on to the products.

1st a baby bath pad. I love this product found in stores at Target. It's a yellow foam pad for less then $10. The pad has a built in heat sticker to tell you when the water is too hot. It has a rim for the baby's head so it's supported. It is fast and easy to use. I liked bathing them in the tub. Maybe it's just me but my kitchen is never clean, with or without kids, but add in twins and the last place I wanted to clean them was my kitchen sink. With this product I didn't worry about supporting their head and trying to wash a slippery baby. There are so many baby baths out there and many parents prefer the sink. I'm not saying it's the best, I just really liked it.


2nd Car seat Canopies. We didn't have these to start but I LOVE them. It keeps the girls out of the rain, and snow and keeps them nice and warm. With babies every one like to take a peek and with twins the girls get soooo much attention when we are in public. I love these to keep them safe from germy lookers. I spent $25 for 2 (of course I made mine but you can buy them for $25+ each on etsy)





3rd. Twin Baby Trend Snap and Go Stroller. A MUST HAVE! you can spend a lot of money on car seats and strollers, but really I LOVED THIS! It made doctor appointments, parent visits, elevators, and shopping sooo nice. It's easy to get the girls in and out of and it's really easy to fold up and put in the car. Plus you can find them used for only $50. (I'm selling mine if you want to buy it!)



4th A nice BIG diaper bag. I got mine at Toys R US for $30. A diaper bag for a mom of twins has to be hands free and organized! You cannot have a cute diaper bag that sits on your shoulder. It must either go over your shoulder and across your body, or be a back pack. I wish they had more readily available at a decent price. I liked this one because of all of it's pockets. I could keep the bottles cold with ice packs. I could hold my massive wallet, keys, phone, gum ext in the outside pockets. Plus the strap, which you can't see here, adjusts. I could make it fit around the handle of the grocery cart, the girls' stroller, anything. It was nice because the bag didn't take up any more space in the cart and wasn't under the girls in the stroller. It really was perfectly functional for twins. I just wish it was cuter!!!



5th 2 swings or bouncers. I have my favorite. It's an Aquarium Take Along Swing I actually didn't buy it, a friend lent it to me. I ignored it in the stores because I thought it was ugly, and I remembered it from when my 15 year old nephew was a baby. But I really really liked it. It's small and easy to move. The girls loved when they were younger because it really moved. Plus it has bright lights that flicker at them and music that is not annoying to listen to. Now that they are bigger I/they like to be able to "sit" up and look at things. I like it better then my pretty fancy Papasan Cradle Butterfly Swing.

6th a toy jungle. I really don't care which one. The girls love it. and have loved it since 6 weeks. It is a MUST have!

7th The SOOTHIE bottles. LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM! find a kit at Walmart for $16.








8th home made baby legs. Check out this tutorial here.


Ok, things I didn't like.

1st. Stupid Cheap Car Seats . These came with the girls and I HATE them. They are hard to adjust, they are hard to put in the car, the canopy is flimsy and doesn't protect the girls from the sun, rain, snow. Every baby needs a car seat and that means there needs to be a car seat at every price point. BUT there are some really obsessive compulsive Mom's out there that I wouldn't mind buying a car seat from. You can get a better product for the same price. HERE"S SOME TIPS IF YOU ARE GOING TO BUY A CAR SEAT USED:
1. Car seats should not be in service after 5 years. Regulations change and IMPROVE. Make the best choice for your child. I would never buy a car seat more then 12 months old.
2. Make sure it's clean upon first inspection, then take it apart and disinfect it.
3. Do your research and find out what the best car seats were in the past 2 years and buy whichever one of those fits in your budget.
4. Always ask if the car seat has been in an accident. NEVER buy a car seat that has survived and accident.
(After all of that I still would buy a new high quality car seat for my children. It is a matter of safety. I want all the warranties in place and valid. Before these girls got here I bought 2 Chicco seats. They are a Consumer Reports Best Buy.)


2nd A traditional baby bath. I had one and hated it.

3rd My Papasan Baby Swing. I thought I'd love it because it can swing side to side and forward and back and it played nice music and had the pretty butterfly mobile. I like it, but it's so BIG. To be truthful, with twins I needed the swing to distract and entertain one while I fed or diapered the other one. I liked the Aquarium Swing SOOOOOO much better. A lot a parents love this swing because it's a great "go to sleep" swing. It is a matter of what you want the swing to do.



Now my "I wish I'd hads":

1st Twin feeding pillow. As a foster parent I obviously was not breast feeding these girls, but I really think this would be nice for breast or bottle feeding moms.

2nd A Baby Trend, Expedition, Double Jogging Stroller. All that money I saved using a snap and go stroller could go towards a double jogging stroller that I desperately want. If I knew that I was going to have these girls for even 6 months I would have bought it. I' wanted one when I had toddlers and didn't buy it, now I really want one with the twins, but they are leaving.

3rd An infant carrier like the Moby Wrap. I have a cuddle bug and it would've been nice to have her close and have a hand or 2 free to do other things.

4th a bumbo- The girls are getting just big enough now that I really want a bumbo ( got a bumbo last weekend and LOVE LOVE LOVE it! The girls love looking at eachother. The coo and smile at eachother. This is way worth it!)

foster: Permanent

I love this song. I love David Cook's inspiration for this song and I cry every time I think of his loss.

But for me, this song is played over and over in my car, in my home, and in my head every time we start transitioning kids back home. I want to be able to tell them that I am permanent, I will be there to hold their hand, and that I won't go away. I want to take away all the pain and suffering they have experienced.

I think of their fear when someone took them away from home and everything they knew and loved. And, with these little ones, I think of their fear as they are taken from my home where they are safe, known, and loved to face the unknown. What I really want is for their parents to become permanent in their lives. I want them to say "I won't disappear again," and "I will be there to hold your hand, you're not alone." I want each child to know the stability of a parent willing to leave other distractions behind and be permanently there-mentally, physically, emotionally.

For me, today, I'll hold them and say "Everything, it will surely change, even if I tell you I won't go away today. Will you think that you`re all alone when [I'm] not there to hold your hand, and all you know seems so far away, and everything is temporary - Rest your head."



Permanent by DAVID COOK:
From David Cook's album, David Cook

Is this the moment where
I look you in the eye'
Forgive my
broken promise that you`ll never see me cry
And everything
It will surely change
Even if I tell you I won`t go away today

Will you think that you`re all alone
When no one`s there to hold your hand'
And all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary
Rest your head
I`m Permanent

I know he`s living in hell
Every single day
And so I ask, oh God
Is there some way for me to take his place'
And when they say it`s all touch and go

I wish I could make it go away
But still you say
Will you think that you`re all alone
When no one`s there to hold your hand'

When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary
Rest your head
I`m permanent
I`m permanent

Is the moment where I look you in the eye'
Forgive my promise that you`ll never see me cry...

Create

I remember this.

I love this.

For a woman who hasn't been able to create life, to know creating beauty and love is still a Godly pursuit.

Secret

My blog has a secret. If you look in past posts you may see a post you have never seen before, like this one. It's a list of projects I would rather do then clean my house. My time is pretty precious these days and when I get a crying, feeding, pooping free moment I: 1st take a shower, 2nd CRAFT. Take a little peak at my list and links, you may want to start keeping secrets yourself.

food: Cheesecake Brownies

This post is mostly for my sisters. Growing up my mom would make Black Bottom Cupcakes and it was a family favorite. I had some left over cream cheese and was craving BBCs. I modified the recipes to create THESE!

( yes that is a whole in the middle of the pan. The inside in the best!)

Cheesecake Brownies!


Recipe:

1 box brownie mix

1/2 c apple sauce

1/4 c water

3 egg whites



Cheesecake filling

1 8 oz package cream cheese

1 egg

1/4 c sugar

1/4 t vanilla

Directions:

Cream, sugar, cream cheese, and egg until smooth.

Mix brownie mix, apple sauce, water, and egg whites until fully combined.

Pour brownies into 9x9 greased pan

Place large spoonfuls of cream cheese mixture over brownies and swirl with knife.

Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

YUMM!

craft: Butterfly Mobile

We have adjusted to being parents of twins and now I'm back to crafting. I've wanted a mobile for the nursery FOREVER but with our family situation ALWAYS changing I couldn't bite the bullet and buy one. So, I MADE my own mobile using this:

It's perfect for us because I can make one for boy or girl. I don't have to find a one style fits all. Loving that I don't have to be gender neutral in everything! Here's my version:

(this of course is not our nursery. I don't have a hooks placed yet, but one will hang above each crib)

Tips and tricks:

I bought a butterfly punch from the local craft store using a 40% off coupon-making the punch 9 dollars

You will probably only need 3 12x12 pieces of paper and 4 pieces of velum

I used both the inside and the outside of a an embroidery ring to make 2

When hanging the butterfly's make sure you use the LIGHTEST weight fishing line you can find. I used 6LBS weight.

Have I said that I love KSL! Here's a link to the video and instructions.