I've subscribed to the blog Mama's On Call, and it's AWESOME! Loved the article "What Exactly IS A 'Responsible Parent" by Ellen Schrier. From it I gained this great guideline, "To be responsible means to respond appropriately." Here are some scenarios from her article.
What if … your 3-year-old has gotten hold of the pinking shears and is attempting to give her baby brother a hair cut? Should you let her? If you consider it for even a second you’ll realize that in order to respond appropriately you must say no and take away the sharp scissors before anyone gets hurt. She is unaware of the danger (or her limitations) and it’s your job to keep everyone safe.
What if … your eight-year-old is never hungry at dinner time because he likes to snack from the fridge throughout the day? It started years ago and has now become a habit. He seems to be growing okay and you hate to argue with him. Are you being responsible in letting the unsupervised grazing continue at the expense of eating a meal at the table with the family?
Well, just think: Is it part of your job as parent to make sure he gets his nutritional needs met? Yes, of course. Is it part of your job to teach him social skills and customs? Yes, again. So given your job description, what would the appropriate response be? It’s pretty obvious that you have to figure out a way to break the bad habit that has been established, right? That would be the responsible (appropriate, given your role as parent) thing to do.
What if … your seventh grader tells you that his science project is due tomorrow? He needs to get all the supplies and the project will take several hours to complete. He was given the assignment a couple weeks ago but ignored it. Now he is begging for your help. You know that his grade in science is hinging on whether he does well on this project. Should you cancel your own plans, roll up your sleeves, and get busy?
Well, consider for a moment — is it your job as parent to do your child’s work for him in order to keep moving things along or is it your job to help him learn about planning, making choices, managing his time and facing consequences even when they hurt? Once you make that determination you can figure out what kind of a response would be appropriate (and responsible), given your role.
Helpful right? This logic provides a formula I can use when working with Bio-Parents.
1. What is my role/job?
2. Based on my role/job what is the appropriate response.
The more I understand my role, the better I can respond in uncomfortable, even heated, situations.
What if … your 3-year-old has gotten hold of the pinking shears and is attempting to give her baby brother a hair cut? Should you let her? If you consider it for even a second you’ll realize that in order to respond appropriately you must say no and take away the sharp scissors before anyone gets hurt. She is unaware of the danger (or her limitations) and it’s your job to keep everyone safe.
What if … your eight-year-old is never hungry at dinner time because he likes to snack from the fridge throughout the day? It started years ago and has now become a habit. He seems to be growing okay and you hate to argue with him. Are you being responsible in letting the unsupervised grazing continue at the expense of eating a meal at the table with the family?
Well, just think: Is it part of your job as parent to make sure he gets his nutritional needs met? Yes, of course. Is it part of your job to teach him social skills and customs? Yes, again. So given your job description, what would the appropriate response be? It’s pretty obvious that you have to figure out a way to break the bad habit that has been established, right? That would be the responsible (appropriate, given your role as parent) thing to do.
What if … your seventh grader tells you that his science project is due tomorrow? He needs to get all the supplies and the project will take several hours to complete. He was given the assignment a couple weeks ago but ignored it. Now he is begging for your help. You know that his grade in science is hinging on whether he does well on this project. Should you cancel your own plans, roll up your sleeves, and get busy?
Well, consider for a moment — is it your job as parent to do your child’s work for him in order to keep moving things along or is it your job to help him learn about planning, making choices, managing his time and facing consequences even when they hurt? Once you make that determination you can figure out what kind of a response would be appropriate (and responsible), given your role.
Helpful right? This logic provides a formula I can use when working with Bio-Parents.
1. What is my role/job?
2. Based on my role/job what is the appropriate response.
The more I understand my role, the better I can respond in uncomfortable, even heated, situations.
This one liner is going in my repertoire.
To be responsible means to respond appropriately.
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