One big sigh of.... What? relief? excitement? fear? exasperation? frustration? I don't know what it is but the kids are in bed and all I think is "I've never been this tired in all my life." I feel as if I've been slapped in the face with all of my INADEQUACIES. I have no idea what I'm doing. I love having these children in my home. They are SPECIAL and we are so privileged to get to spend some time with them. But I have to say again I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING! I am not Mom. I am not Grandma. I am not Aunt Erica. I am a STRANGER. This is a strange house and really they don't want to be here. We're so excited to be finally able to HELP and I don't know how to. They need love and rules, fun and discipline, friend and parent. I feel like I am stumbling around in the dark looking for some kind of signal that I'm hitting the target or even in aiming in the right direction. I keep asking MOTHERS, "what do you do when....?" Not because I don't know what to do, but because I'm afraid I'm doing it wrong! I need constant REASSURANCE. The sad thing is these are not hard children. They are adorable and loving and smart and have a strong sibling relationship.
We're so grateful for all of the support we've received from family, neighbors, ward members, and fellow bloggers. Because you care about us and our lives I know it's hard not to be curious about the children staying in our HOME. They are so special and we are so lucky to share a small part of their lives. Please don't ask us the whys or whats about their situation. You know the who (a boy, little G, almost 2 and a girl, G, almost 8) and when (they are with us for a short, undefined period of time while the court decides on a more permanent placement).
Really if you have any tips or tricks I'm a humble recipient of all advice at this point!
8 comments:
You'll do fine. Most kids in foster care end up loving a consistent and structured situation. That part of your home will be a blessing...even if it's only for a short time. One thing that I am always catching myself is being so negative...always remember to give two to three times the amount of positive reinforcement than you give consequences or punishment. And just remember grades in school aren't the most important thing for the majority of the kids in foster care. It's mostly about learning responsibility and hard work. Some of them are so far behind that they just need to learn about the hard work and consistency part of work. Then learning the rewards of hard work can pay off.
It's tough but well worth it. Kids will love you right back as you love them...even if it doesn't appear to be the case. Good luck.
I can't even imagine to scope of emotions and abilities it takes to be in your situation and give what you are giving. You are amazing, and I know you guys will have a positive influence in the lives of those children. Even if you feel like you're fumbling, I'm sure you're doing the right thing! We're always the hardest on ourselves, and the thing those kids need most is love, security, and concern, and I know that you have all of those!
Pray for Patience. Pray for Love. I've been a mom for 4 and a half wonderful years, and I still pray daily (somedays hourly) for patience, love, understanding, and guidance.
Every child is different, and they are constantly changing. It is impossible to always have the right answers, or to be perfect. Pick your battles, and don't sweat the small stuff. I'm sure you are doing an amazing job!
I think what you are doing is amazing! You are doing something wonderful for those children, and that is loving them. Foster care is like the hardest thing I can imagine doing, but one of the most important. I'm sure you'll do the all the right things, and if you don't....you'll learn from it and do it right next time. That's what it's like for all of us. :) Love ya tons!
Traci
Even though we don't have any kids yet, I can just imagine that I would feel the same way. I think that you just have to remember that these kids need love and consistency. You are amazing.
Erica~ I have been "lurking" around your blog for a while...following your foster care journey. John and I have been a foster family for two years now and have had four different kids in care. I remember all of the emotions leading up to our first child. Fear, anxiety, anticipation, etc. I was so excited to hear that you and your hubby got your first placement. The first month is the hardest. Kids getting used to your routines, limits, friends, family, surroundings. Our newest little guy will be two in April. We have had him just under three months and there were several times during the first month that I questioned if I would make it through! He has been a great addition to our family! Foster care is such a blessing ~ Good luck with everything! I know that we are in Oregon and things may be slightly different, but if you ever have any questions just email me! sepulvedafam@yahoo.com Hang in there! Melissa (Putnam)
Quite honestly, from a mother (at least this one lol), you never really know what you are doing. Just take each day as it comes and show as much love as you can. I am sure you are doing and will do a fabulous job!!! Parenthood is a journey and what you are doing is truly amazing!!
Reading this blog, you sound like a Mom! The worry, the love, the mixed emotions, etc. As a new Mom I can relate! Sometimes it may feel like, all of the sudden, every little decision feels pretty important. It can become overwhelming, but just the fact that you're feeling all that you are proves that you will do great at this. Those kids just need someone To worry about them. Plus I think half the battle is just faking it. I'm sure that's what our parents did. The confidence comes after a sufficient amount of faking. I know you are probably doing this far better than most could!
(sorry I'm commenting on like all of your posts. . . I had some catching up to do. I've been offline.)
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